Evidently her mother. (The above photo is of MacKenzie in her milk coma. This may be one of the sweetest moments of her day. She is so content when she finishes eating.)
I won't get to see her do this for two days next week. I leave Sunday for a business trip and head back on Wednesday. The guilt has been mounting for weeks. This has not been aided by well meaning folks giving me strange looks and asking me "really?" when I say I'm traveling.
The truth is, I've never loved a human being more than I love MacKenzie. I would do anything for her. Part of that means that I am going to continue doing the things that I need to do to help support our family and create opportunities for our future. It means I won't be with her every single day and every single hour. It also means the hours that we do have will be full of joy and love.
I had a dear friend ask me if I was traveling soon. I told her I was and how I was feeling guilty about it. She responded by telling me that her dad traveled a lot when she was little. She said that she remembers him traveling. She also said that she never remembers feeling like he was missing from her life or that he wasn't there for her. She reminded me that part of my job as a mom is to be a good role model and show MacKenzie what the possibilities are for her in life. She reminded me that the quality of time we spend together will define our relationship, not the quantity. I needed to hear all that. Girlfriends are sometimes all that keeps us sane.
The great news: Daddy is going to be here with MacKenzie taking good care of her. Every time I get teary eyed about going he says, "hey...don't you think I'm going to do a good job?" He says it with such confidence that it makes me smile every time. I know they'll do great and it'll probably be a great bonding time for them both. We've got some good friends that are going to come over & hang out with Scott two of the nights as well.
So, I am going to take my trip. I'm sure I'll continue to feel conflicted and guilty. Hopefully she'll be able to tell her girlfriends some day, "My mom traveled for work when I was little and while I missed her, I was always happy when she came home. My dad & I always had a great time together."
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