Guilty Mom

Who could ever leave this sweet baby to go on a business trip? 
Evidently her mother.  (The above photo is of MacKenzie in her milk coma.  This may be one of the sweetest moments of her day.  She is so content when she finishes eating.)
I won't get to see her do this for two days next week.  I leave Sunday for a business trip and head back on Wednesday.  The guilt has been mounting for weeks.  This has not been aided by well meaning folks giving me strange looks and asking me "really?" when I say I'm traveling.
The truth is, I've never loved a human being more than I love MacKenzie.  I would do anything for her.  Part of that means that I am going to continue doing the things that I need to do to help support our family and create opportunities for our future.  It means I won't be with her every single day and every single hour.  It also means the hours that we do have will be full of joy and love.
I had a dear friend ask me if I was traveling soon.  I told her I was and how I was feeling guilty about it.  She responded by telling me that her dad traveled a lot when she was little.  She said that she remembers him traveling.  She also said that she never remembers feeling like he was missing from her life or that he wasn't there for her.  She reminded me that part of my job as a mom is to be a good role model and show MacKenzie what the possibilities are for her in life.  She reminded me that the quality of time we spend together will define our relationship, not the quantity.  I needed to hear all that.  Girlfriends are sometimes all that keeps us sane.    
The great news:  Daddy is going to be here with MacKenzie taking good care of her. Every time I get teary eyed about going he says, "hey...don't you think I'm going to do a good job?"  He says it with such confidence that it makes me smile every time.  I know they'll do great and it'll probably be a great bonding time for them both.   We've got some good friends that are going to come over & hang out with Scott two of the nights as well.
So, I am going to take my trip.  I'm sure I'll continue to feel conflicted and guilty.  Hopefully she'll be able to tell her girlfriends some day, "My mom traveled for work when I was little and while I missed her, I was always happy when she came home.  My dad & I always had a great time together."

So much going on

I have been less than prolific with my blog posts since heading back to work.  So, hopefully this will catch us up a bit.  It's a challenge getting used to the juggling.  My evening time "post-bedtime" is typically spent logging on to wrap up work.  However, overall we seem to be transitioning pretty well.  Here's the latest:

Last weekend, we had visitors.  My dad came to visit with his girlfriend Polly. My Aunt Tansley came as well.  It was a super nice weekend.  Low key...as the Stearns clan is not particularly mobile or exciting, but it was really nice to have time to visit.  My dad really does have quite a way with MacKenzie.  It is a treat to see your dad with your daughter.  I think it is as close to a "glimpse" of how he was with me when I was little as I can get.  He has a way with babies.  I hope MacKenzie has a chance some day to see her Daddy with her daughter. 

You can see how much MIS & Grandpa really enjoy each other.  We ended the weekend on an unfortunate note:  we all got food poisoning.  I learned that it is really hard to watch a baby when you are sick as a dog.  The good news:  we survived.

Speaking of cool things Dads do:  in case you haven't heard, our area has had a LOT of snow.  It is shaping up to be the kind of winter that makes you wonder why you choose to live in a northern climate.  Nonetheless, after our biggest downfall, Scott spent about five hours shoveling.  He spent some of his time shoveling a path for Althea in our backyard.  It's sort of like a hedge maze made from snow.  Take a look:

In other news, MIS is starting to develop some likes and dislikes. 
Likes bath time.  Here she is after getting clean:

Dislikes:  Her vitamins. They really do smell bad.  :-(

I think that's all the news that is fit to print in Hamden for the night.  Until the next break in the action...

Flying Baby

So, the Stearns family survived Mommy's reintegration at work and MacKenzie's first week in daycare.  I'm scared to write it, but it actually went very well.  Daddy was amazing...he's on drop off duty.  He also ended up on pick-up duty last night.  I got stuck in the snow trying to pick her up on a large hill.  Thank goodness for Daddy & the Subaru!!  Ugh.  I was contemplating how I'd walk the rest of the way in my heels.  No, I was not smart enough to wear my boots to work.  I never believe the weatherman.  I guess I need to take him more seriously now. I also need to find an alternate route to daycare without the giant hill!! 

Last night Daddy was doing tummy time on his knees:

Yes, her bib does say "Son of a Legend."  It's so cute...she knows she is the daughter of a legend.  LOL.  We call it our Sons of Anarchy bib.

 This morning at nap time...keeping one eye open.  She doesn't want to miss anything: